Children seldom misquote their parents. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what we shouldn't have said! Our words as well as our focus are powerful indeed. Be aware of the language we use when interacting with kids and hone in like a laser beam on the positive characteristics that they have that will help them be successful.

A recent telephone conversation with my son who is living on the other side of the world in Canada reinforced how the seeds that parents sew in children’s minds can have a mighty, unforeseen impact.

My son and I were discussing some of the difficulties he has experienced living and working in a foreign place so far away from home. I noted that he has been remarkably resourceful in the way he has found work, met new friends and begun what seems to be an alternative life to the one he enjoys in Australia. All at a young age.

He was surprised by my compliment saying, “You always said I am resilient. You even said that in your speech at my good-bye party. Don’t you remember.”

Parents always have the right intentions when they boost their children's confidence but sometimes their esteem-boosting efforts backfire and have the reverse effect. Here are the five biggest mistakes parents make when boosting kids' confidence and what they can do to avoid them

Parents always have the right intentions when they boost their children’s confidence but sometimes their esteem-boosting efforts backfire and have the reverse effect.

Here are five mistakes parents commonly make when they try to give their children self-esteem a boost:

1. Over-praise: It is easy to become a praise junkie so that kids are praised for standing up straight. “Wow! You are standing up. What a guy!” Go easy on the praise. Too much of it and it means nothing. Also praise boys in private rather than public as they can become easily embarrassed.

2. Fail to link comment with effort: Make sure the things you praise really deserve it. Sometimes we lower the bar with children and we do them a disservice when we accept second and third rate efforts.

3. Use a sibling or friend as a model: Sometimes in our efforts to inspire kids we use friends or siblings as role models. Comments such as “Look how hard your elder sister works?” actually discourage kids rather than encourage them. Compare kids only with themselves not others.’

4. Mix praise with criticism: There is nothing like bursting a child’s bubble by praising them up for good work followed by a ‘but… you could do better” or something equally deflating. Keep feedback and criticism for another time and let kids enjoy a bit of praise.

5. Lack of sincerity: If you encourage or praise a child you have to mean it. I mean really mean it otherwise kids see through it a mile off.

We all have the best of intentions when we try to boost the self-confidence of children and young people however if we are to do something we may as well do it well.

So to be effective at self-esteem boosting it helps if we:

1. Be realistic with the amount of praise we give and don’t over do it.
2. Make sure we link our positive comments with real effort and improvement from children.
3. Never compare a child to a sibling or friend, even out of frustration.
4. Avoid mixing praise with criticism or sarcasm. Don't expect kids to do a perfect job so approximations are okay. Poor effort isn't always oaky though.
5. Only encourage or praise a child when we really mean it.

• Parents and teachers need a range of skills and strategies to help children develop a healthy self-esteem and maintain it even when events conspire to really challenge them. Self-esteem building is important as the way a child perceives him or herself is far more important in determining future outcomes than pure ability and academic competence.
  

Giving pocket-money is an excellent way to develop independence in children and young people. Children should receive pocket-money as their small share of the family wealth just as they should share the workload at home. Read about five ideas to help you use pocket-money to develop independence and also a sense of generosity in your children.

“How should I give my children pocket-money?” is one of the most common questions asked at parenting seminars.

“Should kids receive pocket-money when they complete jobs and should they lose pocket-money if they are poorly behaved?” are also common queries.

Giving pocket-money is an excellent way to develop independence in children and young people.

Children should receive pocket-money as their small share of the family wealth just as they should share the workload at home. For this reason I prefer not to link pocket-money to chores or behaviour. This is not to say that the family income is divided equally between all members. Rather, children are given a realistic sum of money, given their age, needs and ability to deal with money.

Praise considerably impacts on children's confidence and self-esteem but it needs to be given with care and precision. There are three types of praise that will impact immeasurably on your child's self-esteem and confidence.

Praising and encouraging kids can be difficult for many people. It just doesn&rsquot come naturally. They are hard-wired for criticism rather than praise.

Some children, particularly boys, feel awkward receiving praise unless it is done carefully. It can be misconstrued as being manipulative and not genuine, particularly when it is simply a throw-away line. Praise can become meaningless for some kids unless it is done with a little thought and care.

There are three types of praise that have positive impact on children&rsquos (as well as adults’) behaviour and self-esteem.

While most kids go "woo hoo" as they race out the school gate to begin holidays others respond "uh-o" as they realise they have not only lost the familiar (and friendly) faces of their teachers, but the reassurance provided by their clockwork-like daily routine. School bells and timetables are solace for some children as they take the guesswork out of life

It is a common parenting maxim that children enjoy a well-structured daily routine. It takes the guesswork out daily life.

Routines are a little like railway tracks &ndash they take you in one direction and they remove any variables and distractions. It is a matter of set and forget.

They are great for young children who have heaps to remember each day and generally more essential for boys however that is a screaming generalisation.

Interestingly, some children are more reliant on routines than others and can get quite flustered when their normal schedule changes.

Commonly, children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Aspergher&rsquos Syndrome need strict routines, even to the extent that many walk the same route through school to get to their classroom to start the day. If their normal route is blocked some just freeze and cannot cope. Many have a mini panic attack but eventually move on.

The weekends and school holidays for a significant group of children present a challenge for that we often overlook.

While most kids go &lsquowoo hoo&rsquo as they race out the school gate to begin holidays others respond &lsquouh-o&rsquo as they realise they have not only lost the familiar (and friendly) faces of their teachers, but the reassurance provided by their clockwork-like daily routine. School bells and timetables are solace for some children as they take the guesswork out of life.

Staying dry at night is a common problem for many children. Between 15-20% of six year olds regularly wet their beds at night and 7% of ten year olds have bed wetting difficulties. There is little difference between the sexes although there is a slightly higher incidence among boys. Bed wetting knows no social or geographical boundaries. It matters little which side of the tracks a child is born. However it is more important who he is related to as many children who wet the bed have fathers or uncles who did the same.

Being greeted by the familiar smell of urine soaked sheets as you wake a child is not the best way to start the day. And changing wet bedding is not the ideal way to gain an appetite for breakfast. But for many parents dealing with bed wetting is a regular part of their morning routine.

Staying dry at night is a common problem for many children. Between 15-20% of six year olds regularly wet their beds at night and 7% of ten year olds have bed wetting difficulties. There is little difference between the sexes although there is a slightly higher incidence among boys.

Bed wetting knows no social or geographical boundaries. It matters little which side of the tracks a child is born. However it is more important who he is related to as many children who wet the bed have fathers or uncles who did the same.

Children who wet the bed are not slow, abnormal or unbalanced. According to a spokesperson from Melbourne’s Royal Children’s Hospital’s Enuresis Clinic these children are generally normal, well-adjusted kids. However they have not developed sufficient bladder control to stay dry at night. Put simply, when the bladder fills up their brain doesn’t react to the message it receives so it empties itself. Some children’s bladders are too small to cope with a night’s supply.